Revelations
May 19, 2018 13:00:28 GMT -5
Post by Zula on May 19, 2018 13:00:28 GMT -5
Never once in her life had Zula imagined she’d be in this position. She never would have guessed it would be her own choice to get involved either.
The Agni Kais were just as Zula expected them to be; as rash and arrogant as their leader. There were few that she could stand, and most she found to be a waste of her time. She stayed around them only as long as she needed, listening and observing, trying to get their view on the city. When she did actually learn something worthwhile it normally wasn’t from the majority of them, but the few who knew exactly what she was looking for, and what kind of trouble she wanted to see.
Luckily for her, she wasn’t an ambassador when she was with the Kais. Here, among the triads and the streets, she was Zara. Han surprisingly allowed it, playing up the name like it was some kind of game. It was the only way he could really get her to follow him around, by letting her use the identity she’d first established in the fighting rings. Zula liked using it, she liked separating herself from the ambassador and not feeling like she was constantly trying to hide from people who could ruin her reputation if they knew what she was doing in her free time. Not to mention she needed the separation to be as clean as possible for when the time was right.
It was easy to pull off, too. Zula took careful measures to make sure she maintained the look of Zara when she was in the streets; a complete difference from the nobility that she’d come from. Playing the double identity didn’t bother her; it kept the day job out of her way and the night job from interfering with her livelihood. All the lessons her mother had forced into her on how appearance was everything finally paid off, and Zula was able to use those lessons to transform herself and blend in where it was needed.
As for her adventures with the Kais, there was always something new. Han became her escort for much of it, leading her around the streets and showing her all that she needed to see: the darkest parts of Republic City, the deals he dealt with, the operations of the Kais that kept them afloat. He’d even, on a few occasions, allowed Zula to sit in on some of his more personal meetings, in which he dealt a considerable amount of pain to people who were causing him irritation. All the while, Zula was silent, taking all of these experiences in, and then making a comment when she felt as though Han expected one.
She didn’t get in his way, she didn’t do much more than follow and let him show her the truth of the city. He did all of that, showing her everything down to the illegal drug trade running rampant in the underground. When Han wasn’t there, he sent her with some of his most trusted members, and Zula found herself engaging in turf warfare and even a few smash-and-grab robberies. It was what Han had sent her to do, and Zula complied with gritted teeth. It wasn’t what she wanted, but she had a role to play and that meant letting Han think she was actually falling into this sort of lifestyle, with him pulling the strings.
But all the ring fights paid off, and Zula found herself able to go toe-to-toe with benders of all kinds. Disguised even further during these turf wars and robberies, Zula found herself winning fights, pushing back the triads she was going against. She discovered it wasn’t the rush of the fight that she liked, but the focus and control that she felt when she did it. Bending was an art, she agreed with that, but using that art was just as important to her rather than just saying it was something she could do. Maybe she learned how to not play fair, but she didn’t lose that formal, traditional training that made her who she was as a fighter.
It was after she’d successfully helped some of the Kais gain new turf that she came back to their base, bruised and a little battered, but so much better off than she’d been in the beginning. Han was there, waiting with a smile, and when his trusted lieutenant told him the news the satisfaction in his eyes was clear. He’d praised their group, and Zula had had to resist gritting her teeth and keeping her face blank. This wasn’t what she wanted, she hadn’t wanted to give Han anything, but it was a price she had to pay.
The leader rose from his seat, ordered drinks for them all, and led in a toast to their victory. He made his rounds, and finally found Zula standing off to the side, pointedly keeping distance from the rowdiest of them.
“Congratulations,” Han said to her with a smirk, his hand falling to her shoulder. “You’re officially an Agni Kai.”
Zula said nothing, sipping her drink and watching as the Kais celebrated their success. Long into the night and a few drinks later, Zula was feeling a little better, and well enough to converse with some of the more tolerable Kais. She’d been dragged to her feet as music played in the background, and still, despite all she’d done so far, Zula refused to dance. She didn’t know the steps, it still wasn’t real dancing to her, and she was not about to shame herself further than she’d already done, though if she could go any farther at this point she’d be amazed.
She finally managed to pull away from them, but as she did so she was shoved and slipped. For a moment she thought she was going to hit the floor, but then hands caught her wrists and she fell into someone’s chest. Zula looked up and locked eyes with Han, who was staring at her much like a predator who had its prey in its trap. But there was something hotter in his eyes, something that sent a shiver down her spine.
“I think you need some more help,” Han said, and his voice was low, the smirk tugging at his mouth.
He’ll take what he wants. Her mind whispered it, over all the noise, commotion, and music, and she heard it clearly. He’ll take what he wants, and if he can’t have it no one can.
Zula stared up at him, her eyes hardening as all at once some of the fog began to clear. She may have a part to play, but she drew the line here. There was only so much she’d do, and this was no intention of hers. She drew herself up, her gaze remaining hard and unyielding to his suggestion. “I am not my sister.”
“No,” Han agreed, his hands tightening on her wrists, “but you’re just as irritating.”
“It’s a family trait,” Zula answered, refusing to back down to him. This was not the first time in her life she’d ever told him no, in fact he’d gotten a lot more refusals out of her than agreements in the past. She would not tread into this territory, however, as it was just an age old argument at this point.
“We always end up here,” Han said with a small, dark laugh. “When are you gonna give? Sooner or later you’re going to realize you’re just like everyone else.”
“Not likely,” Zula said, and held up her hands still bound by his wrists. “You can’t force every girl to want you, Han. Sometimes you just don’t get what you want.”
“I always do, in the end,” Han warned, and his eyes flashed. She knew if she kept pushing there would be hell to pay, but that was coming anyways. Tonight, however, she wasn’t hoping for it. He released her suddenly, smirking as he took a step back, and she saw something else in him then: a willingness to be patient, and some sort of assurance that he’d get what he was after. “You’ll figure that out, eventually.”
He turned his back to her then, and Zula stared after him intently. Let him assume that she was nothing more than a lost soul that he’d given new life, that was bound to give him what he wanted. She’d pass herself off as someone too broken, someone who had found the world of danger and rebellion and was falling into it too fast to catch herself. Han could think her malleable clay in his hands, he could think that she was completely under the sway of his commands. Zula was deceiving him more and more each day, and she’d keep up the charade for as long as she needed.
She’d learn all she could about the inner workings of the triad, until she knew exactly how to tear his empire apart.
Things hadn’t gone according to plan.
She was supposed to be on her way that night to go on a job with some of the Kais. The details hadn’t been given to her yet, she just knew that Han had requested she be running it with his chosen members, and Zula knew she couldn’t say no yet. Even though she’d learned much about the Kais, she still wanted to know more. Han let his guard down more and more each day; the more she complied the more he became convinced he had her in his grasp. She needed it to stay that way until she could find her way out.
But on her way she’d ended up running into some of the Terras, who were all too prepared to take their territory back. One of them had recognized Zula from the last battle, in which she’d helped to steal that area for the Kais, and to say they were unhappy would be an understatement. Zula quickly found herself outnumbered, but she wasn’t about run from it. She dove into the fight, obliterating the boulders that were thrown her way with her firebending. Zula rushed forwards and got in close, sending streams of flame into her opponents to send them back.
One of the earthbenders sent the ground crumbling beneath her feet, causing Zula to stumble backwards. She regained her footing and ducked just as a boulder came flying towards her head, and then leapt into the air, kicking out an arc of fire. It knocked back two of the Terras, but the others were still standing. Together they forced the ground to move upwards and towards her, and Zula jumped on the edge, using it as a springboard and touched down to the earth once again. She sidestepped one boulder after the other, dropping low and sweeping out her foot, fire knocking the Terras off their own feet.
But one was quick enough to move out of the way of the attack, and sent the ground beneath her jutting out, and Zula flew backwards. She regained her footing in time to kick away a chunk of rock coming at her, and crafted a wheel of fire spinning in her hands, and sent it slicing through the next one. Suddenly the ground lurched and she lost her footing, and another Terra sent a boulder that struck her hard, knocking her back and into a large puddle in the street from the last rain.
Zula heard the cracking of the ground as the remaining Terras readied themselves for their next attack, and lifted her head. The boulders came flying, but suddenly a wall of ice came up and stopped the rock in its tracks, shattering the ice but stopping its momentum. A figure stepped in front of Zula, and she lifted her head higher to find a dark haired woman in front of her, shielding her. Something in her whispered of familiarity, but it was swallowed up in the confusion of the fight. The girl looked down at Zula, and her brown eyes widened in surprise and confusion. “Zula?”
There was no time for Zula to answer. The Terras came running, and the girl turned her gaze forwards, her expression fierce. She gathered the water from the puddles around them and thrust it forwards, knocking into the Terras. The girl moved her hands again, and the water crawled up their bodies and turned to ice, freezing them in place. Zula moved to her feet, swaying slightly, but the girl clamped a hand on her wrist and pulled her along, “This way!”
Zula allowed herself to be dragged along, the girl diving into a side street and ducking into the shadows. They ran together, and finally pressed themselves up against the side of a building, their breath the only sounds they made as they waited to see if they’d gotten away. When there was no sign that the Terras had followed them or knew where they’d gone, Zula pulled back, her gaze narrowing. “Who are you? How do you know who I am?”
She’d said Zula’s real name, not her street name, which only raised her suspicions. Few people had been able to put together her two identities, unless they knew her previously. The girl moved off the wall, stepping out into the streetlight. “My name is Neva. I work at the Blue Dragon, and I was friends with Zuka.”
Zula started, looking at Neva quietly. The familiarity she’d thought she felt suddenly made sense; she must have seen the girl working in the times that she visited the club. It was the first time in a long time that someone had spoken of Zuka to her in a way that wasn’t with scorn or some rude comment to get under her skin. “Friends?”
Neva gave a nod, and then a small smile. “I know that you’re twins, but I almost didn’t even recognize you. You look…bruised.”
“I know,” Zula said, and her voice came out tired. It was a tiredness that went all the way into her bones. She knew she looked worse than bruised; she looked as exhausted and defeated as she felt inside.
Neva looked over her a moment, and then took her by the arm, gently ushering her down the street. “Come on, let’s get you fixed up.”
Zula didn’t know why she let herself be led away, but she didn’t protest. Neva guided her to her home, something she’d been able to afford thanks to Zuka, she added as they entered. It was a nice home, simple and decorated in a way that combined Republic City life with elements of the Water Tribe. Neva led her to a back room and opened the door, and Zula raised her eyebrows. She was certain that once it had been a full guest room, but now it had transformed into more than that. It now contained all the elements of a healer’s den, including a pool. When Zula turned a questioning look onto her, the girl simply shrugged, “Zuka also gave me a lot of practice for healing.”
She made Zula sit, and gathered a bowl of water and set it on the table. Neva then drew the water into her hands, wrapping it around Zula’s upper arm where she had gotten hit. The water began to glow as Neva worked, drawing out the pain, the injuries slowly beginning to heal. Zula watched as the girl worked and moved from each injury, even the ones Zula had received a while ago that hadn’t fully healed on their own yet.
“I wouldn’t have thought you’d be so injured,” Neva said after a while of silence, moving to heal the bruises on her face.
“Not many would,” Zula said, staring ahead of her.
There was another moment of silence before Neva moved and sat in the chair across from Zula, looking at her with concern marked all over her features. Zula couldn’t break her gaze from the healer’s, and Neva’s voice softened, “Zula, what has happened to you?”
For a moment, Zula said nothing, not sure how to even begin answering such a question. She knew she didn’t have to, that she could refuse to tell Neva anything and that would be it. Instead she could thank the girl, pay her for her services even, and then make her way home. But Zula found herself speaking, starting from where she’d returned to Republic City and the downward spiral she’d been on since. She didn’t say why, she didn’t say all the secrets she’d discovered and the guilt that plagued her, unable to get those words out in the open. It wasn’t time yet for her to say those things out loud, even though they stabbed her with pain every day.
All the while Neva listened quietly, encouraging her when she fell into lapses of silence. When Zula finally finished, the waterbender reached over and placed her hand on top of Zula’s. “You’ve gone through an ordeal. It’s understandable that you would be struggling with it.”
“I’m not struggling.” Zula didn’t care whether it was a poor excuse or not, she didn’t want to hear from someone else just how far she’d fallen, when she went over it in her mind every day.
“Zula, you know this isn’t what Zuka would have wanted for you.”
“It’s always about what Zuka wants,” Zula said, a flicker of anger going through her. “It never was about me making the choices I wanted, just the choices she wanted me to make.”
Neva shook her head, “Maybe she shouldn’t have kept you in the dark for so long. She probably should have been honest with you from the start. But Zuka only wanted to protect you. If she saw you running with the Kais, she’d know how much danger you were in and she’d want you out of it.”
The waterbender took her hand, and looked into Zula’s eyes with both sympathy and confidence. “I know that you want to make your own decisions and that you feel like you have something to prove. But you’ve put yourself through so much. Even if Han doesn’t have a hold over you, running with his triad is the final straw.”
“Then what are you saying I’m supposed to do?” Zula stared at her, and she didn’t feel like arguing, she didn’t feel like being defiant. She just wanted someone to give her an answer.
“It’s time to stop, Zula,” Neva said gently. “It’s time to let it all go. Let go of the fighting, and let go of the Agni Kais. It’s time for you to start to heal.”
Neva told her to stay with her for a while, and Zula complied without much protest. She stayed within Neva’s home, sleeping in the guest room, spending the daylight hours thinking over what her life had come to, and staring at the Water Tribe adorned house that only reminded her of the pain she tried so hard to ignore. Zula didn’t speak much in the next few days, but Neva didn’t mind. When she came home from work she did her best to make sure Zula was doing alright, and filled the silence in a way that felt natural. There was no tension, just this odd sense of comfort and safety that Zula hadn’t experienced in such a long time. Not even when she thought of home did she feel the way she did underneath Neva’s roof.
Finally, after a week of trying to hold all the thousands of shattered pieces of herself together that had all risen to the surface, she couldn’t bear it any longer. Neva came home from work that evening, and Zula was waiting for her at the table. It was like the girl understood immediately, and came and sat down next to her. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t,” Zula said, and she couldn’t remember the last time she had ever uttered those words, if ever in her life. There was no ‘can’t’ when it came to her, she had to do whatever it was that was asked of her or whatever she believed had to be done. But now, Zula knew she was past trying to hold herself together. “I can’t do this anymore, Neva.”
Just like that, Zula fell apart, the years and years of guilt and sorrow leaving her. Neva’s arms were around her as she sobbed hot, agonizing tears; tears she’d withheld for far too long. In between it all she relayed everything she’d kept locked up inside: the guilt over her father, the pain of losing Zuka, the horror of her mother’s secrets that had completely torn apart everything Zula had ever believed about herself and her family. She told the full story of her pain, how lost and empty she felt, and how she didn’t even know who she was anymore. Every secret that Zula had kept buried came pouring out, until everything was laid bare for Neva to see, and she had nothing left to confess.
Neva did not try to quiet her, she did not try to make it stop. She just held her tight, and Zula clutched to her until the sobs lessened. The weight she carried seemed to have lifted, and it was a relief to finally be able to tell someone of all that had haunted her for so long. Neva looked to her, and there was strength and kindness in her gaze; she was the rock that Zula realized she needed instead of having to be the rock for everyone else. “Listen to me, Zula. You cannot blame yourself for something that you didn’t know. You were a child, you trusted your mother and she made her decisions to keep you in the dark. That isn’t your fault.”
“Then who am I now?” Zula felt so foolish for having to ask it, but the answer was beyond her grasping on her own. “Who am I supposed to be?”
“You are Zula Ou-Yong,” Neva said, “and you are Zara, too. Each is a piece of you, and that’s alright. People are shaped by their experiences, the good and the bad. No one is perfect, and no one can be because we are human, and we make mistakes, and then we learn from them.”
Neva helped her to sit up and put her hands on Zula’s shoulders, “You’ve opened your eyes to the world. Now you need to decide who you want to be.”
“My life has never been a choice,” Zula said, taking a deep breath. “I don’t know how to live when I’m not doing it for someone else.”
“You start living for yourself, and for the life you want. Not to torture yourself in trying to be what you think you have to,” Neva assured her, the gaze she had on Zula steady and certain. “You’ve already made decisions for yourself. You just have to decide which ones are right for you.”
She gave a smile, “You’re free, Zula. Whatever you want, you can be.”
Free. Zula brushed her hair back, and then gave a slow nod. She hadn’t thought of it like that before, that Feena’s reveal may have torn apart all she knew, but also gave her a way out. It gave her a reason to find herself instead of following a careful path to make sure she didn’t disappoint her family legacy. That was gone now. Whoever she was, wherever her interests resided, she could follow them now without too much guilt.
Some guilt would always stay, but the possibilities were endless.
The question was, who was she, really?
She laid awake that night, long after she’d assured Neva that she should go and rest herself. Zula stared into the darkness, her mind working. She’d spilled all of what had tormented her, she’d spilled the truth of her past and the mistakes she’d made. Laying there in the quietness, hearing only the gentle, normal sounds of the house, Zula reached through all of what she’d said, and pulled out what she believed.
I am Zula Ou-Yong, daughter of Sato and Feena Ou-Yong.
She was not just Fire Nation. There was blood of the Water Tribe in her veins, and though it was not her element, she could not pretend she was a pure descendant. There was nothing wrong with being part Water Tribe, and there never had been.
I am Zula Ou-Yong, master firebender.
She was more of a master now than when it was decreed back home. Zula felt bending in her veins, let it fill her like the air she breathed. She had felt fighting in its most raw and unhinged form, and she let that shape her, let that become a part of the real training that she’d needed.
I am Zula Ou-Yong, ambassador of the Fire Nation.
That had been her choice, long ago, and she still believed in it. While her mother may have been proud, Zula did love her job. She loved that it had brought her to places she otherwise never would have gone. She was grateful that it had brought her to a place that had brought her back to Zuka, and now the place that shaped her.
Her next thoughts caused her to frown and narrow her eyes slightly, but she let them come, and acknowledged that they were true.
I am Zula Ou-Yong, participant of the fighting rings.
I am Zula Ou-Yong, former Agni Kai.
She was not perfect. She was a sum of her choices, a sum of her experiences. The choices she’d made may have been wrong, but they were a part of her now. If she wanted to be herself, if she wanted to no longer live a lie and a life that had been paved for her by unrealistic expectations and beliefs, she had to accept everything. She could no longer pretend to be who she was not.
Warm sunlight began to filter through the windows, lighting the room. Zula sat up, and then got to her feet and moved closer to the window. She watched as the sun rose into the early morning sky, painting it in soft hues of pink and gold. It was a new day, a new start.
It was time to put the pieces of herself together.
The Agni Kais were just as Zula expected them to be; as rash and arrogant as their leader. There were few that she could stand, and most she found to be a waste of her time. She stayed around them only as long as she needed, listening and observing, trying to get their view on the city. When she did actually learn something worthwhile it normally wasn’t from the majority of them, but the few who knew exactly what she was looking for, and what kind of trouble she wanted to see.
Luckily for her, she wasn’t an ambassador when she was with the Kais. Here, among the triads and the streets, she was Zara. Han surprisingly allowed it, playing up the name like it was some kind of game. It was the only way he could really get her to follow him around, by letting her use the identity she’d first established in the fighting rings. Zula liked using it, she liked separating herself from the ambassador and not feeling like she was constantly trying to hide from people who could ruin her reputation if they knew what she was doing in her free time. Not to mention she needed the separation to be as clean as possible for when the time was right.
It was easy to pull off, too. Zula took careful measures to make sure she maintained the look of Zara when she was in the streets; a complete difference from the nobility that she’d come from. Playing the double identity didn’t bother her; it kept the day job out of her way and the night job from interfering with her livelihood. All the lessons her mother had forced into her on how appearance was everything finally paid off, and Zula was able to use those lessons to transform herself and blend in where it was needed.
As for her adventures with the Kais, there was always something new. Han became her escort for much of it, leading her around the streets and showing her all that she needed to see: the darkest parts of Republic City, the deals he dealt with, the operations of the Kais that kept them afloat. He’d even, on a few occasions, allowed Zula to sit in on some of his more personal meetings, in which he dealt a considerable amount of pain to people who were causing him irritation. All the while, Zula was silent, taking all of these experiences in, and then making a comment when she felt as though Han expected one.
She didn’t get in his way, she didn’t do much more than follow and let him show her the truth of the city. He did all of that, showing her everything down to the illegal drug trade running rampant in the underground. When Han wasn’t there, he sent her with some of his most trusted members, and Zula found herself engaging in turf warfare and even a few smash-and-grab robberies. It was what Han had sent her to do, and Zula complied with gritted teeth. It wasn’t what she wanted, but she had a role to play and that meant letting Han think she was actually falling into this sort of lifestyle, with him pulling the strings.
But all the ring fights paid off, and Zula found herself able to go toe-to-toe with benders of all kinds. Disguised even further during these turf wars and robberies, Zula found herself winning fights, pushing back the triads she was going against. She discovered it wasn’t the rush of the fight that she liked, but the focus and control that she felt when she did it. Bending was an art, she agreed with that, but using that art was just as important to her rather than just saying it was something she could do. Maybe she learned how to not play fair, but she didn’t lose that formal, traditional training that made her who she was as a fighter.
It was after she’d successfully helped some of the Kais gain new turf that she came back to their base, bruised and a little battered, but so much better off than she’d been in the beginning. Han was there, waiting with a smile, and when his trusted lieutenant told him the news the satisfaction in his eyes was clear. He’d praised their group, and Zula had had to resist gritting her teeth and keeping her face blank. This wasn’t what she wanted, she hadn’t wanted to give Han anything, but it was a price she had to pay.
The leader rose from his seat, ordered drinks for them all, and led in a toast to their victory. He made his rounds, and finally found Zula standing off to the side, pointedly keeping distance from the rowdiest of them.
“Congratulations,” Han said to her with a smirk, his hand falling to her shoulder. “You’re officially an Agni Kai.”
Zula said nothing, sipping her drink and watching as the Kais celebrated their success. Long into the night and a few drinks later, Zula was feeling a little better, and well enough to converse with some of the more tolerable Kais. She’d been dragged to her feet as music played in the background, and still, despite all she’d done so far, Zula refused to dance. She didn’t know the steps, it still wasn’t real dancing to her, and she was not about to shame herself further than she’d already done, though if she could go any farther at this point she’d be amazed.
She finally managed to pull away from them, but as she did so she was shoved and slipped. For a moment she thought she was going to hit the floor, but then hands caught her wrists and she fell into someone’s chest. Zula looked up and locked eyes with Han, who was staring at her much like a predator who had its prey in its trap. But there was something hotter in his eyes, something that sent a shiver down her spine.
“I think you need some more help,” Han said, and his voice was low, the smirk tugging at his mouth.
He’ll take what he wants. Her mind whispered it, over all the noise, commotion, and music, and she heard it clearly. He’ll take what he wants, and if he can’t have it no one can.
Zula stared up at him, her eyes hardening as all at once some of the fog began to clear. She may have a part to play, but she drew the line here. There was only so much she’d do, and this was no intention of hers. She drew herself up, her gaze remaining hard and unyielding to his suggestion. “I am not my sister.”
“No,” Han agreed, his hands tightening on her wrists, “but you’re just as irritating.”
“It’s a family trait,” Zula answered, refusing to back down to him. This was not the first time in her life she’d ever told him no, in fact he’d gotten a lot more refusals out of her than agreements in the past. She would not tread into this territory, however, as it was just an age old argument at this point.
“We always end up here,” Han said with a small, dark laugh. “When are you gonna give? Sooner or later you’re going to realize you’re just like everyone else.”
“Not likely,” Zula said, and held up her hands still bound by his wrists. “You can’t force every girl to want you, Han. Sometimes you just don’t get what you want.”
“I always do, in the end,” Han warned, and his eyes flashed. She knew if she kept pushing there would be hell to pay, but that was coming anyways. Tonight, however, she wasn’t hoping for it. He released her suddenly, smirking as he took a step back, and she saw something else in him then: a willingness to be patient, and some sort of assurance that he’d get what he was after. “You’ll figure that out, eventually.”
He turned his back to her then, and Zula stared after him intently. Let him assume that she was nothing more than a lost soul that he’d given new life, that was bound to give him what he wanted. She’d pass herself off as someone too broken, someone who had found the world of danger and rebellion and was falling into it too fast to catch herself. Han could think her malleable clay in his hands, he could think that she was completely under the sway of his commands. Zula was deceiving him more and more each day, and she’d keep up the charade for as long as she needed.
She’d learn all she could about the inner workings of the triad, until she knew exactly how to tear his empire apart.
~
Things hadn’t gone according to plan.
She was supposed to be on her way that night to go on a job with some of the Kais. The details hadn’t been given to her yet, she just knew that Han had requested she be running it with his chosen members, and Zula knew she couldn’t say no yet. Even though she’d learned much about the Kais, she still wanted to know more. Han let his guard down more and more each day; the more she complied the more he became convinced he had her in his grasp. She needed it to stay that way until she could find her way out.
But on her way she’d ended up running into some of the Terras, who were all too prepared to take their territory back. One of them had recognized Zula from the last battle, in which she’d helped to steal that area for the Kais, and to say they were unhappy would be an understatement. Zula quickly found herself outnumbered, but she wasn’t about run from it. She dove into the fight, obliterating the boulders that were thrown her way with her firebending. Zula rushed forwards and got in close, sending streams of flame into her opponents to send them back.
One of the earthbenders sent the ground crumbling beneath her feet, causing Zula to stumble backwards. She regained her footing and ducked just as a boulder came flying towards her head, and then leapt into the air, kicking out an arc of fire. It knocked back two of the Terras, but the others were still standing. Together they forced the ground to move upwards and towards her, and Zula jumped on the edge, using it as a springboard and touched down to the earth once again. She sidestepped one boulder after the other, dropping low and sweeping out her foot, fire knocking the Terras off their own feet.
But one was quick enough to move out of the way of the attack, and sent the ground beneath her jutting out, and Zula flew backwards. She regained her footing in time to kick away a chunk of rock coming at her, and crafted a wheel of fire spinning in her hands, and sent it slicing through the next one. Suddenly the ground lurched and she lost her footing, and another Terra sent a boulder that struck her hard, knocking her back and into a large puddle in the street from the last rain.
Zula heard the cracking of the ground as the remaining Terras readied themselves for their next attack, and lifted her head. The boulders came flying, but suddenly a wall of ice came up and stopped the rock in its tracks, shattering the ice but stopping its momentum. A figure stepped in front of Zula, and she lifted her head higher to find a dark haired woman in front of her, shielding her. Something in her whispered of familiarity, but it was swallowed up in the confusion of the fight. The girl looked down at Zula, and her brown eyes widened in surprise and confusion. “Zula?”
There was no time for Zula to answer. The Terras came running, and the girl turned her gaze forwards, her expression fierce. She gathered the water from the puddles around them and thrust it forwards, knocking into the Terras. The girl moved her hands again, and the water crawled up their bodies and turned to ice, freezing them in place. Zula moved to her feet, swaying slightly, but the girl clamped a hand on her wrist and pulled her along, “This way!”
Zula allowed herself to be dragged along, the girl diving into a side street and ducking into the shadows. They ran together, and finally pressed themselves up against the side of a building, their breath the only sounds they made as they waited to see if they’d gotten away. When there was no sign that the Terras had followed them or knew where they’d gone, Zula pulled back, her gaze narrowing. “Who are you? How do you know who I am?”
She’d said Zula’s real name, not her street name, which only raised her suspicions. Few people had been able to put together her two identities, unless they knew her previously. The girl moved off the wall, stepping out into the streetlight. “My name is Neva. I work at the Blue Dragon, and I was friends with Zuka.”
Zula started, looking at Neva quietly. The familiarity she’d thought she felt suddenly made sense; she must have seen the girl working in the times that she visited the club. It was the first time in a long time that someone had spoken of Zuka to her in a way that wasn’t with scorn or some rude comment to get under her skin. “Friends?”
Neva gave a nod, and then a small smile. “I know that you’re twins, but I almost didn’t even recognize you. You look…bruised.”
“I know,” Zula said, and her voice came out tired. It was a tiredness that went all the way into her bones. She knew she looked worse than bruised; she looked as exhausted and defeated as she felt inside.
Neva looked over her a moment, and then took her by the arm, gently ushering her down the street. “Come on, let’s get you fixed up.”
Zula didn’t know why she let herself be led away, but she didn’t protest. Neva guided her to her home, something she’d been able to afford thanks to Zuka, she added as they entered. It was a nice home, simple and decorated in a way that combined Republic City life with elements of the Water Tribe. Neva led her to a back room and opened the door, and Zula raised her eyebrows. She was certain that once it had been a full guest room, but now it had transformed into more than that. It now contained all the elements of a healer’s den, including a pool. When Zula turned a questioning look onto her, the girl simply shrugged, “Zuka also gave me a lot of practice for healing.”
She made Zula sit, and gathered a bowl of water and set it on the table. Neva then drew the water into her hands, wrapping it around Zula’s upper arm where she had gotten hit. The water began to glow as Neva worked, drawing out the pain, the injuries slowly beginning to heal. Zula watched as the girl worked and moved from each injury, even the ones Zula had received a while ago that hadn’t fully healed on their own yet.
“I wouldn’t have thought you’d be so injured,” Neva said after a while of silence, moving to heal the bruises on her face.
“Not many would,” Zula said, staring ahead of her.
There was another moment of silence before Neva moved and sat in the chair across from Zula, looking at her with concern marked all over her features. Zula couldn’t break her gaze from the healer’s, and Neva’s voice softened, “Zula, what has happened to you?”
For a moment, Zula said nothing, not sure how to even begin answering such a question. She knew she didn’t have to, that she could refuse to tell Neva anything and that would be it. Instead she could thank the girl, pay her for her services even, and then make her way home. But Zula found herself speaking, starting from where she’d returned to Republic City and the downward spiral she’d been on since. She didn’t say why, she didn’t say all the secrets she’d discovered and the guilt that plagued her, unable to get those words out in the open. It wasn’t time yet for her to say those things out loud, even though they stabbed her with pain every day.
All the while Neva listened quietly, encouraging her when she fell into lapses of silence. When Zula finally finished, the waterbender reached over and placed her hand on top of Zula’s. “You’ve gone through an ordeal. It’s understandable that you would be struggling with it.”
“I’m not struggling.” Zula didn’t care whether it was a poor excuse or not, she didn’t want to hear from someone else just how far she’d fallen, when she went over it in her mind every day.
“Zula, you know this isn’t what Zuka would have wanted for you.”
“It’s always about what Zuka wants,” Zula said, a flicker of anger going through her. “It never was about me making the choices I wanted, just the choices she wanted me to make.”
Neva shook her head, “Maybe she shouldn’t have kept you in the dark for so long. She probably should have been honest with you from the start. But Zuka only wanted to protect you. If she saw you running with the Kais, she’d know how much danger you were in and she’d want you out of it.”
The waterbender took her hand, and looked into Zula’s eyes with both sympathy and confidence. “I know that you want to make your own decisions and that you feel like you have something to prove. But you’ve put yourself through so much. Even if Han doesn’t have a hold over you, running with his triad is the final straw.”
“Then what are you saying I’m supposed to do?” Zula stared at her, and she didn’t feel like arguing, she didn’t feel like being defiant. She just wanted someone to give her an answer.
“It’s time to stop, Zula,” Neva said gently. “It’s time to let it all go. Let go of the fighting, and let go of the Agni Kais. It’s time for you to start to heal.”
~
Neva told her to stay with her for a while, and Zula complied without much protest. She stayed within Neva’s home, sleeping in the guest room, spending the daylight hours thinking over what her life had come to, and staring at the Water Tribe adorned house that only reminded her of the pain she tried so hard to ignore. Zula didn’t speak much in the next few days, but Neva didn’t mind. When she came home from work she did her best to make sure Zula was doing alright, and filled the silence in a way that felt natural. There was no tension, just this odd sense of comfort and safety that Zula hadn’t experienced in such a long time. Not even when she thought of home did she feel the way she did underneath Neva’s roof.
Finally, after a week of trying to hold all the thousands of shattered pieces of herself together that had all risen to the surface, she couldn’t bear it any longer. Neva came home from work that evening, and Zula was waiting for her at the table. It was like the girl understood immediately, and came and sat down next to her. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t,” Zula said, and she couldn’t remember the last time she had ever uttered those words, if ever in her life. There was no ‘can’t’ when it came to her, she had to do whatever it was that was asked of her or whatever she believed had to be done. But now, Zula knew she was past trying to hold herself together. “I can’t do this anymore, Neva.”
Just like that, Zula fell apart, the years and years of guilt and sorrow leaving her. Neva’s arms were around her as she sobbed hot, agonizing tears; tears she’d withheld for far too long. In between it all she relayed everything she’d kept locked up inside: the guilt over her father, the pain of losing Zuka, the horror of her mother’s secrets that had completely torn apart everything Zula had ever believed about herself and her family. She told the full story of her pain, how lost and empty she felt, and how she didn’t even know who she was anymore. Every secret that Zula had kept buried came pouring out, until everything was laid bare for Neva to see, and she had nothing left to confess.
Neva did not try to quiet her, she did not try to make it stop. She just held her tight, and Zula clutched to her until the sobs lessened. The weight she carried seemed to have lifted, and it was a relief to finally be able to tell someone of all that had haunted her for so long. Neva looked to her, and there was strength and kindness in her gaze; she was the rock that Zula realized she needed instead of having to be the rock for everyone else. “Listen to me, Zula. You cannot blame yourself for something that you didn’t know. You were a child, you trusted your mother and she made her decisions to keep you in the dark. That isn’t your fault.”
“Then who am I now?” Zula felt so foolish for having to ask it, but the answer was beyond her grasping on her own. “Who am I supposed to be?”
“You are Zula Ou-Yong,” Neva said, “and you are Zara, too. Each is a piece of you, and that’s alright. People are shaped by their experiences, the good and the bad. No one is perfect, and no one can be because we are human, and we make mistakes, and then we learn from them.”
Neva helped her to sit up and put her hands on Zula’s shoulders, “You’ve opened your eyes to the world. Now you need to decide who you want to be.”
“My life has never been a choice,” Zula said, taking a deep breath. “I don’t know how to live when I’m not doing it for someone else.”
“You start living for yourself, and for the life you want. Not to torture yourself in trying to be what you think you have to,” Neva assured her, the gaze she had on Zula steady and certain. “You’ve already made decisions for yourself. You just have to decide which ones are right for you.”
She gave a smile, “You’re free, Zula. Whatever you want, you can be.”
Free. Zula brushed her hair back, and then gave a slow nod. She hadn’t thought of it like that before, that Feena’s reveal may have torn apart all she knew, but also gave her a way out. It gave her a reason to find herself instead of following a careful path to make sure she didn’t disappoint her family legacy. That was gone now. Whoever she was, wherever her interests resided, she could follow them now without too much guilt.
Some guilt would always stay, but the possibilities were endless.
The question was, who was she, really?
~
She laid awake that night, long after she’d assured Neva that she should go and rest herself. Zula stared into the darkness, her mind working. She’d spilled all of what had tormented her, she’d spilled the truth of her past and the mistakes she’d made. Laying there in the quietness, hearing only the gentle, normal sounds of the house, Zula reached through all of what she’d said, and pulled out what she believed.
I am Zula Ou-Yong, daughter of Sato and Feena Ou-Yong.
She was not just Fire Nation. There was blood of the Water Tribe in her veins, and though it was not her element, she could not pretend she was a pure descendant. There was nothing wrong with being part Water Tribe, and there never had been.
I am Zula Ou-Yong, master firebender.
She was more of a master now than when it was decreed back home. Zula felt bending in her veins, let it fill her like the air she breathed. She had felt fighting in its most raw and unhinged form, and she let that shape her, let that become a part of the real training that she’d needed.
I am Zula Ou-Yong, ambassador of the Fire Nation.
That had been her choice, long ago, and she still believed in it. While her mother may have been proud, Zula did love her job. She loved that it had brought her to places she otherwise never would have gone. She was grateful that it had brought her to a place that had brought her back to Zuka, and now the place that shaped her.
Her next thoughts caused her to frown and narrow her eyes slightly, but she let them come, and acknowledged that they were true.
I am Zula Ou-Yong, participant of the fighting rings.
I am Zula Ou-Yong, former Agni Kai.
She was not perfect. She was a sum of her choices, a sum of her experiences. The choices she’d made may have been wrong, but they were a part of her now. If she wanted to be herself, if she wanted to no longer live a lie and a life that had been paved for her by unrealistic expectations and beliefs, she had to accept everything. She could no longer pretend to be who she was not.
Warm sunlight began to filter through the windows, lighting the room. Zula sat up, and then got to her feet and moved closer to the window. She watched as the sun rose into the early morning sky, painting it in soft hues of pink and gold. It was a new day, a new start.
It was time to put the pieces of herself together.